New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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