So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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