roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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