Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
