Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
