careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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