You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
