just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
