Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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