Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
