next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
