Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
