Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
