This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
