i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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