I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
