Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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