my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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