508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
