Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
