We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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