There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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