Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
