Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
