Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
