Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do vagina's smell?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
