Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
