i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
