He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
