I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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