we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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