This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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