Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
