Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
