I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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