The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
