Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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