she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
