The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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