Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
