I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This baby is an asshole
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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