We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
