I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
