Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
