Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
