I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
