"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize