R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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