I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
