Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
