just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
