This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
