I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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