Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize