operation harelip BJ is a go
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
