Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think i got beer on your cat.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
