what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
