My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
