your thong is hanging out like whoa
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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