I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
