this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
