Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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