Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
