What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
