I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My life is pants optional.
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