there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
