This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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