He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
