I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
