dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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