the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
