he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
