Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
