i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
