Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
