K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
