I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
