Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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