I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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