let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't turn off my feet"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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