I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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