he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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