Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
